Week 6 Story: The King and His Two Queens
As many of us already know, having more than one spouse tends to cause issues. In some cultures they are able to make it work; however, the majority of people experience this powerful feeling called jealousy.
Once upon a time, there was a very rich king that had great looks, lots of money, and a huge palace that he lived in. He found himself wanting more than one woman so he married a second. His first wife had trouble having children and was unable to become pregnant. Because of this, the king spent more time in the bedroom with his second wife. As the basic rules of biology continue to govern, the second wife ended up getting pregnant. This caused the first wife to be very upset and jealous.
The first wife becomes so enraged that she decides to confront her husband and express her anger. She says things like "why don't you love me?" and "Why do you treat her so much better than me? I was here first!" The king responds and says "It is nothing personal, I just need an heir to my throne and you are unable to have children." Even though the king is thinking logically, this makes the first wife very upset.
She decided to take matters into her own hands. On the young boy's tenth birthday, the first wife decides she is going to kill him. Yes, you heard it correctly, she waited ten years to plot the murder of this innocent child. The boy was going to have a huge birthday party in the palace and they were going to have fire dancers, huge elephants to ride, a swimming pool, and so much more. This was THE party to go to. Unfortunately for the young boy, the first wife was put in charge of planning the party. She knew every small detail and knew how, when, and where she was going to take his life. Her plan was to invite all of the children to go swim in the pool, then bring them to watch a fire dancing show. While at the fire dancing show, she would grab the young boy and tell him that he was going to get a look at his presents. She would bring him into the elephant habitat, scare the elephants, and cause them to trample him to death.
Her plan was successful. The King and second wife were heartbroken and had no clue how their young child had died. The first wife pretended to be upset but she was not. Little did they know, she was planning on murdering the second wife next.
Hey Robbie!
ReplyDeleteI think your rendition of this story is super creative. I like that you made the wife do the work, and I think including the party element adds to the story. Personally, I think adding some dialogue (maybe between the jealous wife and the king, or the wife and the son) would have made your story even more engaging, but I think you did a great job nonetheless!
Hi Robbie :)
ReplyDeleteI liked how you retold the story. A lot of stories have the antagonists outsourcing the dirty work to a witch (like in the original) or a spirit or some such, so I like how you made the first wife actually do the work to have the little boy killed. I also liked how it was left on a mini cliffhanger. We know what the first wife is planning but not if she succeeds or if she's brought to justice.
The only things I would recommend changing would be to break up the paragraphs a little more. Keeping them a little shorter will help readers follow along easier, and the flow of the story will benefit, too! In the same vein as breaking up the paragraphs, when you have characters exchanging dialogue, make sure to break up the paragraph each time another character speaks. It'll be easier for you and the reader to keep track on who is saying what.
Hey Robbie,
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun story to read! Your story made me dislike the first wife, for obvious reasons. I liked your twist on the story--how you had the first wife do the work for killing the boy and not just having a witch take care of it. Another thing I noticed was your narrative tense; I don't see a lot of stories written in the present tense, which I noticed when the first wife is mentioned, so I thought that was unique! I would just make sure to be consistent with past tense and present tense. As others have mentioned, adding dialogue and breaking paragraphs down will also allow your story to flow. This was a great take on the original; good work!